Crazy Rig Conversations: Part 10!

One of the most interesting parts about working out on the rigs is the crazy/hilarious/random/unexpected things people say.

Here are a few of the gems…

NB: In the interests of privacy and what-not, I have referred to individuals as Old Mate, or OM for short.

***

OM1: Hey Yassmin, I saw you walking across the lease just before, was that box you were carrying heavy?

Me: Oh, no, not really... I mean I am pretty strong. (here I go, trying to be one of the boys)

OM1: Oh okay. Well I was going to say, if it was heavy, I wouldn't have come and helped you. You're one of those equality types right?

OM2: Oh are you into the equality thing are you?

OM1: I know right? Equality?

*cue raucous laughter across the room*

***

One of the rig crew was helping unscrew two large collars (thick pieces of pipe) from each other on the ground using hand tools.  It was quite heavy and he'd asked me to hold one end while he turned and unscrewed the other. 

Me: Mate, are you sure you don't want me to help out?

OM1: Oh Yassmin, no. They'd all laugh and me. They'd be like look, there he is, letting the girl do all the work.

Me: But I can handle it!

OM1: That's not the point... I'd be a laughing stock!

Guess there is some odd sort of chivalry out here? Whether you see it as sexism or chivalry depends on which side of the fence you sit on I guess...

***

OM1: So Yassmin, why are you leaving? You should stay a little bit longer, learn more tools...

Me: Oh you know old mate, new challenge and well, really, we don't have a life do we? Always working, I will end up with no friends!

OM1: That's easy! You earn lots of money and when you go home you take the money out and hold it in your hands (he lifts his arms up in the air, like he just don' care) and you walk around saying 'look at me everyone, I got money!!', then you will have many friends! 

***

Me: I want to learn how to surf

OM1: You won't be able to surf with all that gear you got on. I don't know any women only beaches either...

Me: Nah mate all good, I've got a outfit that I wear to the beach.

OM1: You could start a new clothing range - beach and surf wear for Muslim chicks. Youth without board shorts.

***

I've been riding in the rig crew's bus over the past few days which has elicited some hilarious anecdotes. Most of them are too 'explicit' for me to share on this family friendly blog, but there were a couple of lines I thought may give you an idea.

OM1: Snapchat's like the best app ever ay

OM2: Yeh man, but I don't know how they make any money. It's free and there's no advertising.

OM3: Can you imagine, what would it be like, $1 a boob?

***

OM1: You're legs are so long bro, they're like sticks

OM2: Mate, yeah, it's cos I'm aerodynamic. I run really fast in the wind.

Crazy Rig Conversations: Part 9!

One of the most interesting parts about working out on the rigs is the crazy/hilarious/random/unexpected things people say.

Here are a few of the gems...

NB: In the interests of privacy and what-not, I have referred to individuals as Old Mate, or OM for short.

Also, by way of announcement: I've joined the instagram bandwagon!

There are loads of rig photos that will be going up, so join me on the adventure...

***

OM1 (speaking to a group of the rig fellas): Ohhhh we saw Yassmin pissed off last night! You should have seen the scowl on her face! She was talkin' all serious maaaan!

Me: Aw nah man, yeah I haven't gotten annoyed at anyone before, but I just had to say a few things.

OM1: Oh now you gotta be careful pissing you off ay! I wouldn't be messing with someone of your background, you're from all sorts of volatile places! (Turns to the crew).  Oh I tell ya, you know you piss her off, then get in the car and it's like BOOM you're gooone!

(laughs)

OM1: Or it's like a bunch of IED's on the road back to camp or something to take care of ya hay...Nah, I wouldn't be wanting to be messing with Yassmin. Got that Egyptian and all that sorta crazy stuff in ya.

Everyone turns to look at me.

Me (at a little bit of a loss for a smart witty comment...): Ah, indeed. We be crazy...?

***

One of my colleagues is a very Eastern European man who has lots of bits of wisdom to impart on everyone around him.  This was  a particularly funny piece of wisdom he imparted to a younger colleague on life, love and women...

OM:  Look let me tell you something about marriage aye?

First three years is the fight for the boss, the second three years is the fight for equality (in the household, between the wife and the husband), and after that you just fight for survival!  If any man tells you he wears the pants he is delusional. Women know us too well! They just somehow know.  You know, if my wife comes in the room and says "we have to talk", well!   It's not we who have to talk its she who has to talk!  When women say they are the weaker sex, rubbish! They are winning!  They are winning I tell you!

***

OM: You know what I don't like? When people say things about life that sound great and hippy but don't actually mean anything. It's like that saying from Forest Gump.  "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get..." or whatever it is.

Me: Yeah, it's a nice enough saying...?

OM: No! You never know what you're gona get maybe if you're illiterate!  All you have to do is turn the box over and look at the map on the back and figure out which one you want! How does that saying make ANY sense?

***

OM: I think I was a good dad. I said to my daughter: you do drugs, I kill you.  Simple!

Hmm, I think a few 'CALD' (culturally and linguistically diverse) daughters could probably relate...

***

'Tripping pipe' is the process of building up the drill string, or sending pipe down a hole that has been drilled (in or out, depending on what is going on).  It's the essence of being a roughneck (one of the rig crew members).  This particular old mate was trying to reinforce the fact that he thought I was a little too young.

OM: I used to trip pipe in Baghdad before you were in your dad's bag!

Very clever, I see what you did there...

***

Have you heard any interesting bits of conversation lately?

Crazy Rig Conversations: Part 8

One of my favourite parts about working out on the rigs is the crazy/hilarious/random/unexpected things people say.

Here are a few of the gems of conversations I have been a part of recently!

NB: In the interests of privacy and what-not, I have referred to individuals as Old Mate, or OM for short.

***

We were having a conversation about various types of dancing. I was horrified (actually, slightly mollified) to find that most of the fellas had absolutely no idea what twerking was.

OM: What is it aye? Twerking, never heard of it!?

OM2: Mate when I first heard the word I thought it was that game you play on ice where you throw that thing… (he was referring to curling). It’s pretty much just hip thrusting man!

OM3: It’s Miley Cyrus aye

Me: OMG MILEY CAN’T EVEN TWERK SHE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING THERE

They didn’t really understand why I was so upset about that. Actually…I don’t think I understand either…damn you Miley!

***

OM: Melbourne hay? I see the place as 5 million latte, Frappuccino sipping yuppies really. That’s all.

***

The nicknames that you hear out on these rigs are pretty great. Sometimes they are just a shortening of the person’s names with a few ‘z’s’ added in for good measure, so Gary becomes Gazza, Barry is Bazza, Yassmin is Yazza, and so on.  Other times though, they are a little more inventive.

“We had this one HSE guy and he was really irritable...so we called him thrush.”

“There was this one electrician right, and whenever there was a problem he'd say “oh yeah I'll look into it for ya...”

So we called him mirrors. The guy was always looking into things!”

“There was another electrician who was always asking for something from ya.  Like if you were using something he'd be like “can I use it after ya?”

So we called him Underpants ‘cos he was always on the bum!”

 ***

The fellas were having a conversation about Fiji and mentioned Kava, a drink that is native to the area.  Unfortunately it didn’t seem like the fellas were impressed.

OM: They’re addicted to that Kava stuff man. I don’t know what that’s about, why can’t they have a normal addiction, like to crack?!

 ***

OM: You're a Muslim or a Christian?

Me: Muslim...

OM: Okay so I have a question for you? Why don't I ever see any of the bloody people laugh??! I swear they are always so serious, with this serious face. Don't any of them ever laugh or even smile?!

OM: If I had to live like that seriously all the time, I think I would just die.

I responded, quite appropriately I think, with one of my characteristic guffaws. Touche, one might think...

*** 

Crazy Rig Conversations: Part 7

One of my favourite parts about working out on the rigs is the crazy/hilarious/random/unexpected things people say.

Here are a few of the gems of conversations I have been a part of recently!

NB: In the interests of privacy and what-not, I have referred to individuals as Old Mate, or OM for short.

***

Me: Oh mate, I got woken up this morning by a cow! It was right next to my window like MOOOO!

OM: Oh you shoulda just opened the door and been like 'Oh mate, I don't do cattle'.

OM2: Yeh but then he woulda been like 'Oh but I'm built like a horse!'

OM: ...and hung like a donkey!

Laughter ensued...

***

I learnt a new phrase the other day...(apologies for possible offense!)

OM: Oh yeah we're doing a job up there for so-and-so

Me: oh yeah what kind of operation is it?

OM: Oh it's a bit of a n***a show.

I shook my head and made sure I heard correctly.

ME: A WHAT??

OM: You've never heard of the phrase n***a-rigging? It's when it’s real rough-like and you make do with what you've got. N***a rigging man! It's a worldwide thing!

I looked around. All the other guys seems unperturbed.

OM2: It’s true aye.

Me: *shock*

***

I was chatting to a colleague about things we did as kids...

OM: Oh I once branded my mum with a hot poker on her bottom!

I burst out laughing

OM: Yeah! We were on the farm and they'd been branding the cattle all day so I though that's what I should do too! I put the poker in the fire and then just poked her on the bottom.

She swears she's got the scar till this day...

She won't show us though!

***

I was chatting to a colleague from the United States' deep south.

OM: I guess I was lucky because I grew up not seeing colour... I mean, we've done that - everyone drinking from their own fountain and you can sit on the back of the bus...

Me: So when did segregation stop?

The Old Mate smiled.

OM: When did it stop?  We're still waiting for that to happen...

***

Crazy Rig Conversations: Part 5!

Working on the rigs, one hears - and partakes in - crazy, strange random conversations that usually make me laugh. Here are a few of the recent gems!  Apologies for any offense caused...

NB: Generally, each person is referred to as ‘old mate’, or OM for short.  ’Old Mate’ is Australian for ‘that random dude’, or someone whose name you have forgotten.

***

OM1: You know, I get that women want equality right. But you have to play by the rules of the game and not complain about things? It's like, when a guy who is disabled competes in the normal Olympics and then complains that the result isn't fair - well mate, we made you your own Olypmics, if you want to come and compete with us you have to be on the same level...

Me: Hmm well I can't say I have ever thought of it that way hay.

OM1: Oh well I'm not saying that being a woman is like being disabled...haha!

***

I had a surprisingly educated conversation with a driller about religion. He managed to explain the concept of "Jihad" to a fellow colleague in quite a precise manner.  

OM1: Mate, I read about this Jihad thing aye. It's not like going to war, it's like struggling for something FOR God. Like, say, you want to quit smoking for God, that's your Jihad. It's your struggle.

Me: Wow, that's actually a pretty good explanation!

It has actually changed the way my colleague sees Islam now. #win!

***

A new leasehand (the lowest position on the rig crew) had just joined the crew.  I was asking about his experience.

Me: Oh so it's his first day on the crew?

OM1: Yah, he's from the army. It's his first day on a rig ever!

Me: Oh wow, that's so cute! (as you do...)

OM1: No Yassmin. Puppies are cute. Kittens are cute. We are hard, tough, strong. We are MEN. We are not cute.

Me: ...

***

We had some strange visitors on the rig...

I don't think they had the correct PPE on though...

Good times ;)

Crazy Rig Conversations: Part 2

Well, the good times never stop in the drilling world!  This last week has included travelling to three different rig sites, driving for too many hours and even a rodeo somewhere in the middle! Spending all this time in this world does expose one to interesting conversations and lines though...and I thought they might be worth sharing :)

NB: Generally, each person is referred to as 'old mate', or OM for short.  'Old Mate' is Australian for 'that random dude', or someone whose name you have forgotten.

***

Over the two way radio, two of my colleagues are catching up on the public truckers' channel:

OM 1: Where did you put the [xx piece of equipment]

OM 2: Oh I duno, do you want me to come and show you?

OM 1: Yeah, you should probably get over here.

OM 2: Do you miss me already do ya?

Random Truck Driver Sounding Annoyed: Do you guys want to get a channel?

***

The explanation of the Pope-selection system:

Old Mate: When they get together to pick the pope, they just have a bit of the smoke, and then when it's really good and they've decided, they'll have a bit of that white smoke... that's what you see.

Me: Oh, that...makes perfect sense... (!)

***

I work with an Arab looking man who was on the rig floor.  One roughneck decided to call him from my shack.

Roughneck: Rig floor, do you copy? [No reply]

He looks at me and grins.  Oh dear, I thought.

Roughneck: Rig Floor?  Durka Durka Jihad Jihad!  [Looks over and laughs. I'm confused. Does he know I am Arab too? Am I supposed to reply?]

Me: You got it wrong; I think you mean Durka Durka Mohammed Jihad...?

***

Another lady visited the site, a lovely blonde engineer.  It was hilarious watching all the guys register a woman on site. Later on, I had a conversation to one of the crew about the whole 'affair'...

OM 1: Oh did you see the chick come on site? There were eyes popping out everywhere!

Me: Ha! That's great.  Did you guys get a good look did you?

OM 1 (seemingly a little dismayed): No, I didn't get a good enough look. I will next time though...

Me: It's getting crazy now there are two of us women on site ay!

OM 1 (looks at me with a slightly worried expression): I know. It's so distracting.  All of us just go a bit silly really.  Even when you came on we went a little silly.

Me: Don't you guys get over it once you know who we are and that?

The two crew members looked at each other.

OM 1 and 2: Nope.

***

***

While at the Rodeo (this isn't a rig conversation, but it was funny...)

Announcer: Racing is not discriminiative, it's speedway.

and lastly...

OM 1: Oh I wish I didn't have a heart problem.

Me: Oh dear, that's terrible. What's up?

OM 2: Love is a real killer you know!

Me: -.-

***

Links, Links, Links! 6th April 2013

  Hello all! How are we this week? I’ve been flat chat at work doing the oil and gas thing, while also working on getting a few things moving on the Youth Without Borders side and writing a whole bunch of different articles… anyhow, enough about me! Let us look at interesting things on the net recently…

Daily Dishonest posters…I had to chuckle.

But that's the thing about racism: it goes way beyond bad intentions. The most insidious racism is just so ingrained it's involuntary.

Waleed Aly’s brilliant piece on ‘The Curse of Australia’s Silent Pervasive Racism’.

This one is pretty cool: Miracles of Engineering in Peru: Drinking Water Out of a Billboard!

“Each generator captures the air humidity and from there it goes to a reverse osmosis system. Each tank stores about 5.28 gallons of water. These 5 generators purify the vital liquid and its total is gathered in one tank,” said one of UTEC’s engineers involved in the project.  The billboard has already produced about 2,496.42 gallons of drinking water in a 3 month period, an amount that equals the water consumption of hundreds of families per month.”

An interesting piece by the Australian Government’s ‘Resilient Communities’ initiative on ‘advice to young Muslim Australians’.  I don’t enjoy motherhood advisory statements, but this was rather good.

And, don’t wait for someone to come and take you by the hand. Don’t wait for the leaders and Imams. They have their hands full. You must initiate the process.

You must lead the way.

There is a perception among many of us that it is fine to be an Indian Muslim, Pakistani Muslim, Algerian Muslim, and Palestinian Muslim. And so on. But, for some reason, there is a false perception that it is not fine to be an Australian Muslim. The ‘Australian’ part is seen by some as ‘kufr’ (unbelief). Don’t be fooled by this simplistic and false understanding.

Don’t be afraid to say you are a Muslim and an Australian. Don’t be afraid to say that you are an Australian Muslim.

An interesting and informative perspective: How to move beyond youth tokenism into real engagement.

A good round up on what is happening in North Korea and why the general analysis is maybe looking at the wrong audience.

My piece for Future Challenges on women in the workforce, and why there is more to it than just numbers.

Why volunteering in orphanages sometimes does more harm than good. This is part of the ‘well intentioned but misguided’ mindset my father and I share about a lot of aid work…

Again on the ‘well intentioned but misguided’ note, a piece on WhyDev that really resonated (and challenged me in equal parts) on Why making the world better does not make necessarily make YOU better’.

It sounds harsh, but it has to be said. It’s important to understand that doing good things does not make you good. It is important to understand that good people can and frequently do do bad things. Not all good doers (confession: I positively loathe the term “do gooder”) are nice. You need to enter the aid world understanding that you will have to work and deal and maybe even share quarters with some truly nasty individuals. You need to understand that you, too, may do things that are not nice, things that you’re not particularly proud of. And you need to understand that this is nothing at all about your competence as a humanitarian. Being deeply committed to reducing the amount of injustice in the world, and expending great amounts of energy and personal resource towards that end in no way precludes you from treating your staff unjustly. It’s the opposite of “but he/she/they mean(s) well…” argument, all too frequently used to justify everything from poor individual performance to ridiculously reasoned startup NGOs.

On a totally different note, looking for some crazy cool (modest) fashion inspiration? Oh, check this out. I couldn’t get past the first jacket…

Thank you, Mr Sartorialist.

Crazy Rig Conversations

How many times have you thought: I wish I was a fly on the wall on a drilling rig so I could listen to what they talk about... Oh, just me then?

Well let me fill you in on a few of the unique conversations I have on a day to day basis with the men I work with. The following conversation took place between me and an old fella (OF) I had literally just met and I think almost offended by asking how many head of cattle he had - I thought that was 'general farm talk' but apparently not, that was me asking how much money he had... Anyway, one learns.

OF: So where are you from?

Me: Brisbane...

OF looks at me suspiciously

OF: What are you born in Australia are you?

Darn, I thought. He got me on that one... When I replied in the negative, he simply nodded...

OF: Mm I thought so! (With a smirk!)

Later in the conversation, out of the blue...

OF: So I didn't see you at the local town's big dance the other weekend, you need to get to those sort of things.

Me: Oh really?

OF: Yeh, I can introduce you to some people. There's this lovely boy from the so-and-so family and they're really quite wealthy, I can introduce you. He's not a bad kid, about your age, he'll be good.

Me: (not sure if he is being serious, and thinking 'did this guy -whom I just met - seriously just offer to set me up with a random Australian country lad? Me, an obviously brown, Muslim non-Australian born chick? Wow, isn't multiculturalism awesome...) Oh how kind, thank you?

OF: Yeh no worries, next time we are in town I'll introduce you to him, you can go from there.

Who knows what will happen next time I go down town!

***

I walked into the drillers' room - or the doghouse as it is called, as was greeted with this: (D=Driller)

D: You hear that sound?

Me: Nope...what sound?

D: That ticking, it's your biological clock. You might be here now, but one day you'll just switch and you'll be wanting to iron clothes and feed babies... Trust me!

Me:...

But what if my biological clock draws me to the ninja mafia instead?

It is an interesting world, a little bubble if you will, where you meet the craziest personalities but also some of the most interesting... I love it. Stay tuned for more, and do share if you enjoyed it!