He sat across from me and asked.
Does Allah talk to you?
Do you hear him?
What do you pray about?
Does he answer your prayers?
I don’t even know what I said, but what a question indeed.
I didn’t know how to articulate it, and I don’t know if I ever will.
I didn’t know how to say that knowing Allah is there, all the time, that was all I ever needed to know.
That I hear him in music that moves, see him in the outline of mountains against the sky.
That my mortality frightens me, an intense fear that I may not be doing enough… a fear that my life is too easy, a fear that these blessings are in fact my hardships, and that I am failing the tests.
That sometimes, not very often, but sometimes...
I buckle. Doubled over, during sujood. Tears not merely from my eyes but from somewhere deeper, racking me raw because I am so humbled to be in His presence, Subhanallah.
My heart begs Him to guide me, to forgive me, to use me, to save me from myself and my own weakness.
Because I am oh so weak, and without His blessings, I am nothing.
“And how could we not place our trust in God, seeing that it is He who has shown us the path which we are to follow?’ ‘Hence, we shall certainly bear with patience whatever hurt you may do us: for, all who have trust [in His existence] must place their trust in God [alone]!’” [14:12]
It's a little frightening, writing so publically about religious faith, particularly to an Australian audience. We are not comfortable with it, and often I think that my secular friends are surprised by how much Islam means to me, particularly on a spiritual level.
Politics aside, Ramadan is fast approaching, and it is a time for reflection. It is time for that spiritual (and painful caffeine!) detox. It is a month to remind ourselves of our temporary nature, and what we are living for.
What is it that we live for?
Well, each of us has to answer that alone...