comedy

Crazy Rig Conversations: Part 10!

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One of the most interesting parts about working out on the rigs is the crazy/hilarious/random/unexpected things people say.

Here are a few of the gems…

NB: In the interests of privacy and what-not, I have referred to individuals as Old Mate, or OM for short.

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OM1: Hey Yassmin, I saw you walking across the lease just before, was that box you were carrying heavy?

Me: Oh, no, not really... I mean I am pretty strong. (here I go, trying to be one of the boys)

OM1: Oh okay. Well I was going to say, if it was heavy, I wouldn't have come and helped you. You're one of those equality types right?

OM2: Oh are you into the equality thing are you?

OM1: I know right? Equality?

*cue raucous laughter across the room*

***

One of the rig crew was helping unscrew two large collars (thick pieces of pipe) from each other on the ground using hand tools.  It was quite heavy and he'd asked me to hold one end while he turned and unscrewed the other. 

Me: Mate, are you sure you don't want me to help out?

OM1: Oh Yassmin, no. They'd all laugh and me. They'd be like look, there he is, letting the girl do all the work.

Me: But I can handle it!

OM1: That's not the point... I'd be a laughing stock!

Guess there is some odd sort of chivalry out here? Whether you see it as sexism or chivalry depends on which side of the fence you sit on I guess...

***

OM1: So Yassmin, why are you leaving? You should stay a little bit longer, learn more tools...

Me: Oh you know old mate, new challenge and well, really, we don't have a life do we? Always working, I will end up with no friends!

OM1: That's easy! You earn lots of money and when you go home you take the money out and hold it in your hands (he lifts his arms up in the air, like he just don' care) and you walk around saying 'look at me everyone, I got money!!', then you will have many friends! 

***

Me: I want to learn how to surf

OM1: You won't be able to surf with all that gear you got on. I don't know any women only beaches either...

Me: Nah mate all good, I've got a outfit that I wear to the beach.

OM1: You could start a new clothing range - beach and surf wear for Muslim chicks. Youth without board shorts.

***

I've been riding in the rig crew's bus over the past few days which has elicited some hilarious anecdotes. Most of them are too 'explicit' for me to share on this family friendly blog, but there were a couple of lines I thought may give you an idea.

OM1: Snapchat's like the best app ever ay

OM2: Yeh man, but I don't know how they make any money. It's free and there's no advertising.

OM3: Can you imagine, what would it be like, $1 a boob?

***

OM1: You're legs are so long bro, they're like sticks

OM2: Mate, yeah, it's cos I'm aerodynamic. I run really fast in the wind.