Crazy Rig Conversations: Part 10!

One of the most interesting parts about working out on the rigs is the crazy/hilarious/random/unexpected things people say.

Here are a few of the gems…

NB: In the interests of privacy and what-not, I have referred to individuals as Old Mate, or OM for short.

***

OM1: Hey Yassmin, I saw you walking across the lease just before, was that box you were carrying heavy?

Me: Oh, no, not really... I mean I am pretty strong. (here I go, trying to be one of the boys)

OM1: Oh okay. Well I was going to say, if it was heavy, I wouldn't have come and helped you. You're one of those equality types right?

OM2: Oh are you into the equality thing are you?

OM1: I know right? Equality?

*cue raucous laughter across the room*

***

One of the rig crew was helping unscrew two large collars (thick pieces of pipe) from each other on the ground using hand tools.  It was quite heavy and he'd asked me to hold one end while he turned and unscrewed the other. 

Me: Mate, are you sure you don't want me to help out?

OM1: Oh Yassmin, no. They'd all laugh and me. They'd be like look, there he is, letting the girl do all the work.

Me: But I can handle it!

OM1: That's not the point... I'd be a laughing stock!

Guess there is some odd sort of chivalry out here? Whether you see it as sexism or chivalry depends on which side of the fence you sit on I guess...

***

OM1: So Yassmin, why are you leaving? You should stay a little bit longer, learn more tools...

Me: Oh you know old mate, new challenge and well, really, we don't have a life do we? Always working, I will end up with no friends!

OM1: That's easy! You earn lots of money and when you go home you take the money out and hold it in your hands (he lifts his arms up in the air, like he just don' care) and you walk around saying 'look at me everyone, I got money!!', then you will have many friends! 

***

Me: I want to learn how to surf

OM1: You won't be able to surf with all that gear you got on. I don't know any women only beaches either...

Me: Nah mate all good, I've got a outfit that I wear to the beach.

OM1: You could start a new clothing range - beach and surf wear for Muslim chicks. Youth without board shorts.

***

I've been riding in the rig crew's bus over the past few days which has elicited some hilarious anecdotes. Most of them are too 'explicit' for me to share on this family friendly blog, but there were a couple of lines I thought may give you an idea.

OM1: Snapchat's like the best app ever ay

OM2: Yeh man, but I don't know how they make any money. It's free and there's no advertising.

OM3: Can you imagine, what would it be like, $1 a boob?

***

OM1: You're legs are so long bro, they're like sticks

OM2: Mate, yeah, it's cos I'm aerodynamic. I run really fast in the wind.

Working in 42+ degree heat

Open the door, and you literally walk out into the desert. It is a strange feeling, working in the Cooper Basin.

Right in the heart of Australia, a few clicks out of the Queensland and Northern Territory Border.

The heat is scorching and dry, sapping any moisture that dares to make its presence known.  It enscones you like a heated blanket you can never take off, the sun beating down on your hi-visbility long sleeve shirt, warming up the little buttons and the metal zip on your coveralls, pricking your skin.

Everything warms up; the toilet seat is strangely heated, like one of those smart Japanese loos.  Tools burn your hand when picked up and even the doorknob is touched only tentatively.

It is an environment we are pretending to conquer by being here, drilling away for its hidden treasures.

In reality it is an environment so harsh that without all the aids - the gallons of water drunk, the air conditioning on overdrive and the convenience of vehicles - we would perish like the delicate desert flowers that we are.

It has happened: any person coming to work out here gets told the stories.  The stories of the guys who decided to walk away from a broken down vehicle and were found; death by dehydration.  Of the people sent a little loopy and those who never came back.

'Heat stress' is something that is all too possible and can creep up on you without you noticing, so you check the colour of your pee obsessively, pinch your skin and let it drop, hoping it will snap back and not 'peak', indicating your skin has started to dehydrate.  You keep an eye out on each other, but sometimes things slip through the cracks...

I walk out of my cramped room with the too-many monitors for a stretch.  Climbing the sand dune behind the shack, the sky is huge and the landscape barren.  A gray brush covers most of the ground and in the very distance, a Mad-Max like set of structures can just be seen.

Two minutes and my collar starts to burn.  Back into the ice box I scurry...

Crazy Rig Conversations: Part 9!

One of the most interesting parts about working out on the rigs is the crazy/hilarious/random/unexpected things people say.

Here are a few of the gems...

NB: In the interests of privacy and what-not, I have referred to individuals as Old Mate, or OM for short.

Also, by way of announcement: I've joined the instagram bandwagon!

There are loads of rig photos that will be going up, so join me on the adventure...

***

OM1 (speaking to a group of the rig fellas): Ohhhh we saw Yassmin pissed off last night! You should have seen the scowl on her face! She was talkin' all serious maaaan!

Me: Aw nah man, yeah I haven't gotten annoyed at anyone before, but I just had to say a few things.

OM1: Oh now you gotta be careful pissing you off ay! I wouldn't be messing with someone of your background, you're from all sorts of volatile places! (Turns to the crew).  Oh I tell ya, you know you piss her off, then get in the car and it's like BOOM you're gooone!

(laughs)

OM1: Or it's like a bunch of IED's on the road back to camp or something to take care of ya hay...Nah, I wouldn't be wanting to be messing with Yassmin. Got that Egyptian and all that sorta crazy stuff in ya.

Everyone turns to look at me.

Me (at a little bit of a loss for a smart witty comment...): Ah, indeed. We be crazy...?

***

One of my colleagues is a very Eastern European man who has lots of bits of wisdom to impart on everyone around him.  This was  a particularly funny piece of wisdom he imparted to a younger colleague on life, love and women...

OM:  Look let me tell you something about marriage aye?

First three years is the fight for the boss, the second three years is the fight for equality (in the household, between the wife and the husband), and after that you just fight for survival!  If any man tells you he wears the pants he is delusional. Women know us too well! They just somehow know.  You know, if my wife comes in the room and says "we have to talk", well!   It's not we who have to talk its she who has to talk!  When women say they are the weaker sex, rubbish! They are winning!  They are winning I tell you!

***

OM: You know what I don't like? When people say things about life that sound great and hippy but don't actually mean anything. It's like that saying from Forest Gump.  "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get..." or whatever it is.

Me: Yeah, it's a nice enough saying...?

OM: No! You never know what you're gona get maybe if you're illiterate!  All you have to do is turn the box over and look at the map on the back and figure out which one you want! How does that saying make ANY sense?

***

OM: I think I was a good dad. I said to my daughter: you do drugs, I kill you.  Simple!

Hmm, I think a few 'CALD' (culturally and linguistically diverse) daughters could probably relate...

***

'Tripping pipe' is the process of building up the drill string, or sending pipe down a hole that has been drilled (in or out, depending on what is going on).  It's the essence of being a roughneck (one of the rig crew members).  This particular old mate was trying to reinforce the fact that he thought I was a little too young.

OM: I used to trip pipe in Baghdad before you were in your dad's bag!

Very clever, I see what you did there...

***

Have you heard any interesting bits of conversation lately?

SBS Online: Ramadan on the Rig

This post appeared a little while ago on the SBS Online blog, check it out! :D

I like to think of it as a detox for the soul. Ramadan is the 9th month in the Islamic lunar calendar, and to fast during Ramadan is the fourth pillar of the five pillars of Islam. It's a month that's celebrated and venerated by Muslims worldwide.

Historically, Ramadan is the month where the first verses of the Quran were revealed to the Prophet (Peace and Blessings be Upon him). It is a time of spiritual reflection for all Muslims, it's about self discipline, restraint and empathy. Fasting is merely a physical form of restraint; Muslims are also encouraged to guard their speech, actions and thoughts from engaging in 'despicable acts'.

Fasting also allows us as Muslims to understand the plights of those less fortunate than ourselves and become more appreciative of the blessings we have. It's an opportunity to focus on our actions and spirituality, almost like a 'refresh' for your beliefs.

The month brings people together, across cultural, political and ethnic divides. We are encouraged to forgive and seek forgiveness of others and in doing so build bonds that will continue when the fasting ends. Even the 'Iftar' (breaking of the fast at sunset) provides a platform for sharing and a peaceful tranquillity.

Over the 28 or 29 days, good deeds are rewarded many times over, and the gates of Paradise are open, while the gates of Hell are closed. What better time to reorganise your spiritual affairs?

SOLITARY REFLECTION

This Ramadan, I find myself out in the field, working as an oil and gas engineer in regional Australia, with no-one on the rig quite understanding the ritual. It feels strange, not having iftar with the family and heading to the mosque to pray 'Taraweeh', the additional nightly prayers that one can take part in during Ramadan.

It is however, an opportunity to be more mindful about my fast, reflect and pray, away from the distractions of everyday life.

I do small things in my own way to make the month special; buying dates to break my fast with as is tradition, playing Quraan in my room when I'm off-shift, waking up early to lay out the praying mat my mother bought me and pray before the light turns. It isn't the same of course, as being with my family and the community; the shared experience of fasting is absent and the men on the rig generally find it 'crazy'.

"Why would you do that?" they tend to ask, when I explain the reasons I am not having lunch or rehydrating. "It sounds crazy. I'd never do that. Doesn't sound very good for you either."

One or two, will ask for more details. "So what is the point of it?", after which I explain the importance of being grateful, of self-discipline. Some do understand, particularly those who have their own religious identity and it is nice to be able to share the tranquillity that fasting brings.

We are lucky in Australia though, because at the moment the days are short. I imagine it will be quite different on the rigs when Ramadan moves to the summer months.

Perhaps night shift might be the best option!

***

Triple J kindly did a story on this as well, which you can listen to here (language warning!!)

Daily Life: What it's like to work on an all-male oil rig

This piece originally appeared on Fairfax's Daily Life.

My first posting on the oil and gas rigs happened shortly after graduating from mechanical engineering.  My mother was quite proud; my father on the other hand took a while to come around.  He couldn't understand why his Muslim daughter wouldn't accept a solid, stable job offer in the city.

“What are you doing out here?” my friends would ask, “Is it just for the money?”, “What is it like working with blokes all the time?” or, more often than not: “Are you insane?”

I remember walking into a meeting in the early days as one of the guys was taking a sip of his instant coffee.  "Tastes like date rape", he said.

I froze, looking at my fellow rig worker.  I wasn’t quite sure what to say.  If I overreacted he would badge me as being ‘over sensitive’ and avoid me for the rest of the job, but my inner feminist nonetheless cringed at the idea of letting such language slide. Sensing my unease, he finally said, "I guess we can’t say that sort of thing anymore now that you are here."

Working on oil and gas rigs isn't the first career path that typically comes to mind for many women. By and large, it's seen as a rough, tough, blokey world that is does not welcome female employees.   Notwithstanding this, I was attracted to the adventure, the practical aspect of the operation and the challenge of working in such an unusual environment.  It seemed like the ideal first job for an engineering experience junkie like me.

Given the fact that I have met around six women working in the field in the entire time I have been employed, one can say there is truth in the 'boys club' perception. But working in this masculine, testosterone-drenched environment has also been an interesting exercise in backyard sociology.

Here are some of the things I’ve learnt in the time I spent at the oil rigs:

Firstly, there is a significant generational difference in the male workers' attitudes towards women.

An older colleague once said, "Girly, when I started drinking, women weren't even allowed in bars." Men of his age share an antiquated view of women, but they are products of their time.

Then there are those who feel the need to be protective. “My mother, my father, my grandparents, my aunties...they'd not just roll in their graves, they'd right come out of their graves to give me a de-nozo slap if they heard me using any sort of language in front of a lady!”

Young guys, on the other hand, are often more 'gender blind'. Women being denied access or opportunities simply due to their gender is seen as old-fashioned.  They are also keenly aware of the legislation that protects that equality and will err on the side of caution so as not to put their foot in it.

They tend to test the waters and gauge what they can and can’t say around their female colleagues before they are rebuked.  It does give us a modicum of power, as they follow our cue.

However, 'formal' equality does not necessarily reflect a true change in their social attitudes and underlying expectations.  And the biggest giveaway is in the way the workers speak.

The language used by men on the rig is indescribable - and that is what they choose to say in front of me.  It’s relatively easy to complain about offensive or derogatory language in a modern mix-gender workplace.  However, when operating as the sole female in a male dominated environment, there are some awkward challenges.

Yes, we can go in, guns blazing, demanding things happen on our terms. The legislative framework exists, and is there for anyone to use if they feel discriminated against in any manner.

The protection we have as women in these environments is unprecedented when compared to attitudes two short years ago.  Legal change is the first, extremely important step.  However, forcing change in that manner inevitably fosters dissent and confusion in some cases.

In other words, the rules are changing for these men, but they don't quite know how to deal with it yet.  It is this behavioural change that we must now strive and push for, and it will be an uphill struggle.

In the end these are people I work with, live with, laugh with and rely on to keep me alive around pretty heavy machinery.  Most of them have fallen over themselves to help me and make sure that I am protected and looked after.  Although they can be painted as uneducated chauvinists, many of them are also a product of their society and what is expected of them to be ‘men’.

As my rig manager said, “This is a completely different world to [the one] out there... There is no way I would speak the same way I do on the rig in the street, that wouldn't be right.  It's just a way of keeping yourself a little sane'.”

***

I enjoy what I do and the company of the people I work with.  I don't envy the difficulty they have though, in dealing with the changes in societal expectations.  We live in unprecedented and interesting times...

What do you think?  

Crazy Rig Conversations: Part 6

Listening to interesting bits of conversation and hearing witty bits of jargon are always fun. Out here on the rigs though, it isn't always witty, but it is definitely entertaining...

Here are a few of the gems of conversations I have been a part of recently!

NB: In the interests of privacy and what-not, I have referred to individuals as Old Mate, or OM for short.

***

OM: Yassmin, did you eat this tub of yoghurt?

Me: mm...yes?

OM: You should keep eating that

Me: mm...why? (Is he going to give me a spiel about the health of my digestive tract? I don't need no inner health plus!)

OM: 'Cos it's the only culture you'll get around here! Haha!

***

The following was an interesting conversation that didn't quite turn out the way I was expecting it to!  We were watching the news at dinner in the crib room (cafeteria) and something about the PNG solution came on.

Me: Oh this is ridiculous. Don't get me started...

OM: Oh, so this is something you care about hey? Don't get you started hey? Well, tell me, where do you stand on this?

Oh, blimey, here we go I thought - and I launch into a lecture on the UNHCR's process, our obligations under the refugee convention, our responsibility in the world etc etc etc.

Me: So what do you think?

OM: Me? It's pretty simple really. If you want to tell someone you can't come on a boat to this country - who the hell are you to tell someone they can't come? It's not your bloody country anyway! If you're not aboriginal (indigenous) then you came on a bloody boat yourself! We should let them all in I reckon!

Me: O_o

Don't judge books by their covers...

***

I was playing some music in my shack and Eminem came on.

OM1: Oh my god Yassmin, is that the white guy who thinks he can rap?

OM2: He even named himself after a chocolate!

Me: Haha true! But he is alright aye...

OM2: Hey, at least those chocolates have some nuts!

***

Video: My Room while on the Rigs!

I'm trying out something new and venturing into video territory :) Here's a little clip of a typical room that we are housed in as oil and gas workers...

It's actually not too bad, all things considered!

Cosy right?

What do you think...?

Mate, you takin' the piss?

 

It is a unique cross between the 'tall poppy syndrome' and a disdain for political correctness.

What is it?

It is the 'Australian' sense of humour and the way we constantly, unapologetically and indiscriminately make fun of anyone and everyone - particularly each other. In fact, 'make fun' of each other might be putting it lightly. Perhaps 'take down a peg' or 'bring down to size' is a better description.

Where do you find it?

Well, everywhere on this great expansive continent! Hot spots include groups of mates, families, politicians...you name it, someone's got something to say about it.

***

No doubt this is a gross generalisation on my part and I only have my personal experience to draw from, but a comment from an Irish colleague recently caused a bout of reflection.

"Jeaysus! All you Aussies just cut each other down so badly, and it's really quite merciless!" he exclaimed (in his strong Irish tones).

What we see as 'group banter' was to him, something a little different. Group banter and joking around was one thing, but here? Well apparently, we all really had to have 'quite a thick skin'!

Now, this may perhaps be a reflection of the places where I have worked and studied - engineering, motor racing and the oil and gas rigs aren't the most forgiving environments by any stretch. So perhaps this a biased reflection.

The broader question that it brings up however, is worth paying attention to. Where is the line between 'team banter' or 'taking the piss', and true bullying and harrassment?

This is clearly a sensitive question to your 'average aussie bloke' (whatever an 'average aussie' is). Even broach the topic and the conversation generally turns to:

"Mate, do you live near a Bunnings?" Errr...yes? "Well go there, buy a bag of cement and harden up!".

There is a sense out here that if you should be handle and brush off whatever comes your way, and be able to dish out just as much. There is also a strong pushback against people being 'way too politically correct' and having people control what can and can't be said.

"Mate, I've had enough of this political correctness rubbish. It's gone way too far. We can't say anything!" is a common sentiment expressed, particularly amongst the older folk.

***

There are two issues at play.

One is the general Australian disregard for authority and heirachy. Anyone who thinks they know more or who has an answer for everything is cut down, or straight out ostracised. This is manifest especially among groups of friends, where the playful banter is often at the expense of someone else. By and large, this seems to be the expected and accepted way of life - whether it is politically correct or not. In fact, if anything is said, it is usually put down to an individual being too sensitive.

Whether or not that needs to change, or whether changing that would be unAustralian is food for thought.

The second issue is the line between banter and bullying. Particularly in male dominated environments, the banter is seen as a part of asserting ones masculinity and to earn kudos (?) with the group. I see it happen often in front of me and find myself often thinking - at what point is this no longer funny?

It is no longer funny when the person can't handle it, when it defeats them personally, reduces them and their self esteem and when you feel it isn't right. Banter is one thing, but to have fun at the expense of others - no matter how funny you may find it - is still bullying.

WOW Bites: Survival Guide for Chicks on Rigs.

Earlier this month I had the honour of presenting at the World of Women (WOW) part of the Sydney Writers Festival. It was quite an inspiring session, with speakers who included the likes of novelist Melissa Luckashenko to a young Iraqi lady who had traveled to Australia seeking asylum.

Find out more about WOW at Sydney here.

The majority of the 'Bites' - strictly ten minutes bites of inspiration and the like - were quite deep and moving. Lucashenko's and Kristi Mansfield's were both quite brutal to be honest, forcing the audience to confront issues of rape and violence occuring on a daily basis to young women in our own cities.

I took a different tack and went for a slightly more light hearted and humourous angle. My piece was a 'Survival Guide for Chicks on Rigs...' (because you know, there are just so many of us!). I started off with a bit of a poem...and I would like to share a little bit of the presentation with you!

Aren't you frightened, they will ask,

Of the men, the remoteness, the difficulty of the task?

Why on earth do you want to do that, they will question

Where as if you were a guy, that wouldn't rate a mention.

The fact of the day is, ladies and gentlemen,

That this guide is not about survival.

We will survive - Gloria Gaynor said so.

It is about thriving and owning our power from the get go.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome.

Working on the oil and gas rigs, particularly as a woman, is an adventure and a half indeed.

As I am an engineer and love lists and numbers, I've put together a numbered list of suggestions, and I hope you enjoy!

Number 1.

Determine where YOUR line is, how thick YOUR skin is, how much you are willing to let slide. Factor in the 'drilling rig bonus'.

Often when a woman begins working on a rig, the men won't talk to her for some time at all. Don't take it personally, but they are slightly scared themselves (though they will never admit it!). They won't know how to react to you, what they can say around you, how thick YOUR skin is...they know something will be different now that you are here but they don't know HOW that difference will play out.

Let them take the cues from you. You have power here - a power we as women never used to have, and that is the opportunity to set the tone of the conversation.

What is the drilling rig bonus? An amorphous measure that accepts that normal society is quite different to the microcosm that is the drilling rig and so your line might be different in this situation, or might need to be slightly different. Adjust accordingly.

Number 2.

Make the most of being underestimated.

Some of the rig workers may hold the unspoken belief that a woman is less competent or deserving of a role. We all know that is not the case, but use that underestimation to your benefit! Surprise them at being AWESOME at your job and letting your actions speak for themselves. Being really good at your job is a language they understand and WILL respect, particularly out there.

Number 3.

Have a sense of humour

Nothing breaks down barriers like a bit of laughter. Being witty, sharp, or deploying quick, timely ripsotes are always appreciated (but careful not to descend into bullying).

If you aren't a regular standup comedian, try to see the humour in the everyday interactions - because there is plenty. Personally, I am terrible at being witty but I find most everything hilarious. Nothing warms a hardened man's heart more than having a laugh at a joke he cracked

Number 4.

Learn the language.

There is nothing more effective than good communication. For the sake of mirth though, here are some of the phrases I have picked up (the ones used in polite company anyway!).

I'm drier than a dead dingo's donga.

You wana run with the big dogs you gotta pee in the long grass.

They thought I did what?! That's lower than the basic wage.

I'm like a mushroom. I get fed rubbish, everything just slides off me and I only come out in the dark.

Number 5.

Be Flexible, within limits. Don't forget your rights.

The guys working in the field will appreciate flexibility, humour and cues taken from you, as illustrated previously. A level of flexibility is required, as fighting every single battle is not only ineffective, it is exhausting.

However, you must also be cognizant of your rights as a woman and individual and if things DO go too far and they DO overstep the line, stop them. Use the tools necessary if required.

You might think it is a career limiter but rest assured, it is a career killer for the other individual. The law is on your side. If you are in a situation like this - talk to someone you trust, and then make a decision and don't ever feel guilty for the actions of others.

Number 6.

Always pack more sanitary items than you might think you need. You won't be able to buy any if you're stuck out in the middle of the desert or the ocean.

There's always one really practical survival tip in every guide. This is one of those. Trust me. Oh and a word of warning, the guys LOVE blaming any mood swings on our hormones. It's great.

Number 7.

Be your version of strong.

When I started out, I thought strong only meant masculine. I think that my time on the rigs has redefinined the relationships between masculinity, strength and what it means to be a strong, feminine woman. It means something different to everyone.

Now, for me, strength is in the fact that I can not only phsyically hold my own, but that I am not afraid of the men and the environment. Strength comes from knowing who I am and that I accept the fact that I am a woman in the industry and embrace it. Strength comes from knowing that I can choose to wear, dress, behave and speak how I please - whether that's rough or refined, the strength comes from knowing I have the power and gumption to make that choice.

Strength for you can mean any number of things, and I believe figuring that out is indeed strengthening in itself.

Number 8.

Enjoy the adventure!

Working as a female in a male dominated industry will always raise eyebrows and provoke questions.

Be ready for that. Decide whether this is something you want to *embrace* and talk about or whether it is something you would like to *ignore*.

Remember that no matter how much you ignore it, you still will be the odd one out. But that's not a terrible thing. If there are enough women that want to be the odd one out, soon the day will come when that is no longer the case.

Either way, I think it says a lot that we now have the CHOICE to to participate in this previously closed environment.

Be proud of who you are, and never apologise for it.

***

So what do you think?

Crazy Rig Conversations! Part 4

 

So, life on the rigs never stops with the amusement! This series, ‘Crazy Rig Conversations’, chronicles a few of the G to PG rated things that get said on a rig in an everyday context that make me internally chuckle in disbelief and misguided mirth. Enjoy…

NB: Generally, each person is referred to as ‘old mate’, or OM for short.  ’Old Mate’ is Australian for ‘that random dude’, or someone whose name you have forgotten.

***

I like to have music playing in the shack.  On this particular day, I was playing a few selected Regina Spektor tunes on my boom box.  

OM: Who is that waving tart?

Me: Oh it's Regina!

OM: Nuetroegona?! Isn't that something you put on your face?!

***

It's always great when the guys come and chat, but their stories more often than not revolve around their slightly crazy lives and counterparts.  This particular conversation was about an irate conversation the couple had over the phone:

OM: My wife? Oh man, she can give it. She was like a mini Saddam-Hussein on the phone today! I hope no one gives her a small country. She'd be a pretty good dictator.

***

Some of the rigs have portaloos instead of actual toilets.  Those things aren't much fun to begin with, but particularly not after you've heard something like this...

OM1: Oh mate, portaloos are great.  Did we tell you about the time we had old mate in the portaloos? We saw him walking across and heading in so we got the loader and picked it up while he was in there! You should have heard him yelling!!

I became very weary of going to the portaloos after that.  It reminds me of a scene in North Country to be honest! 

***

A friend of mine who also works on site mentioned this particular gem. 

OM: As long as you're not one of them 'do gooders' who wants to change the world - or let all the refugees in even though half of them are terrorists!

***

To wrap it up, here are a few gems used by the older men when they're shocked or surprised.

"Well, Pickle my Ring!"

"Well it's better than a poke in the eye with a forky stick!"

***

What are the outrageous and sometimes just hilarious things the people at your work say?

Crazy Rig Conversations: Part 3

So, life on the rigs never stops with the amusement! This series, 'Crazy Rig Conversations', chronicles a few of the G to PG rated things that get said on a rig in an everyday context that make me internally chuckle in disbelief and misguided mirth. Enjoy...

NB: Generally, each person is referred to as ‘old mate’, or OM for short.  ’Old Mate’ is Australian for ‘that random dude’, or someone whose name you have forgotten.

***

OM: Oh it's good you're back on shift. The other guy was too hard to understand, I could never get what he was sayin' over the radio.

Me: Oh, was he talking too fast? Sometimes he talks too fast...

OM: Oh nah, he just talks too Asian. It's like COPYYY, and he's like *puts on an unidentifiable ethnic accent* "wha?! wha?!*

***

During a long winded, mostly joking argument with a roughneck about women are in general, he comes back with this:

OM1: Listen Yassmin, men were created first. Women? They were an afterthought, and only made for company.

In hindsight, I should have said something like "Oh yea? We were just version 2.0, the latest edition...but at the time I was too busy scoffing.

***

I asked someone how they got to their position, as I usually do. Had they been on the rigs for long, etc.

OM2: Oh yeah, I've been around for a while. But you know, I just kinda slept my way to the top. Even from school, that's how I got my grades you know, and I mean I was Captain of the Rugby team and ripped and all that, so it was no wonder with all those young teachers and that... yeah.  Just kept doing it, and it worked for me ya know?

Well, that was one bit of career advice I was not going to take...

***

OM3 is the Aussiest bloke around.  He starts off this conversation very clearly telling me about how he doesn't really subscribe to any type of religion.  I braced myself, and got my comedy-wit boots on!

OM3: So, like, do you hang around only African people living in, like, your own world that has nothing to do with the rest of society?

Me: No, well that's not how I see it, and most of my friends are from everywhere because I went to a Christian [ecumenical] high school...

OM3: Oh okay, so you don't get together and do like, bomb throwing practice or anything?

Me: Oh... nah not really...

OM3 starts laughing.

Me: ...but of course, if that was something you were interested in.. ;) [I start laughing, he sort of stops.]

[and now I am worried I have jokingly written this on the internet, I am so going to be tracked by some sort of law enforcement]

At the end of the conversation, which was surprisingly quite detailed and extensive about what we Muslims do, where I pray and what I eat etc, OM3 starts to leave.  He stands at the door and turns around, cheekily.

OM3: Now I'm gonna tell all my mates I spent time hanging round a Mozzie! Doing crazy practice throws!

***

If you haven't seen it yet, check out my interview on the ABC with The World - it was quite exciting and an honour to be on the show!

***

SNEAK PREVIEW: On The Rigs!!

Remember how I mentioned I was lucky enough to be contributing to this month's edition of the Griffith Review? Well it is out today! (I am pretty sure...not sure if you can get it in bookshops yet), but here is a sneak preview of my piece, I hope you like it!

Pick up the Griffith Review at good bookstores near you :) In fact, you can buy it (print or digital) on the Griffith Review Website tomorrow!! 

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ACCEPTING THAT YOUR twenty-one-year-old-Muslim-daughter is going to work on remote oil and gas rigs is not easy. I am fortunate to have parents who understand (although perhaps not always share) my interest in adventure and not being ordinary. Their view is simple: as long the rules of Islam are followed and there is a coherent and beneficial reason for me doing the things I chose, they will support me.

My parents say they weren’t sure what to expect when they immigrated to Australia almost twenty years ago, fleeing the oppressive political regime in Sudan. They may not have had a concrete idea of where it would lead, but I certainly inherited from them the gene that makes us willing to seize opportunity and embark on adventures. That may explain how they found themselves with a daughter who boxes, designs racing cars, and while visiting family in Sudan last year, got wrapped up in the attempt to overthrow the same oppressive government that forced them to leave.

They came to Australia looking for a new beginning, now they are parents of a female, Muslim rig hand.

As part of my faith, I wear the hijab (headscarf), and have been doing so since I was ten, as a personal choice. It is truly something that has become a part of my identity, and I like to be quite flamboyant and creative with colours and styles. My head covering on the rig is a little less obvious and obtrusive though, mostly because it is convenient to combine with the hardhat and a little cooler. In true Australian fashion however, religion is one topic that is fastidiously avoided, and people don’t always realise the significance of the head covering. It does make for some interesting conversations.

‘So when's that tea cosy come off?’

I turned around to my colleague and chuckled to myself.

‘Nah, it doesn't come off, I was born with it aye!’

His jaw dropped slightly and he looked at me in confusion. ‘Wha-a-?’

I laughed out loud. ’Nah mate! It's a religious thing. We call it a hijab, I guess this is the

abbreviated hard-hat friendly version...’

‘Oh yeah righto’...

He nodded uncertainly, shrugged and went back to his meal.

When I retold that story to my family at home, my father couldn't get enough of it.

‘Let's call you tea cosy now!’